


Panic

by Trickster_Angel



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Season 1 Episode 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 15:49:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8584348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trickster_Angel/pseuds/Trickster_Angel
Summary: There are some things Viktor doesn't know about Yuuri. He isn't sure what to do when he finds out.





	

Yuuri wasn’t eating anything. He was obviously nervous about the free skate the next day but Viktor didn’t think too much of it. While he never got nervous at competitions, he knew Yuuri did so he figured that was all.

“Yuuri, you should eat something,” Phichit said encouragingly, “Everything’s really good.” They were at a buffet and Yuuri had already paid to get in. It was a waste of money to not enjoy anything.

“No, I’m okay,” Yuuri replied with a tired smile.

“Nervous for tomorrow?” Phichit asked.

“Yeah,” Yuuri replied. He looked paler than normal. It must have really been weighing heavily on him.

“You’re going to do well, Yuuri,” Viktor said encouragingly, “Try not to think about it for now.”

“You should enjoy being in first place while you can,” Leo teased. Guang-Hong nodded in agreement.

“You always did worry too much,” Celestino added, “You need to learn how to relax, Yuuri.”

He nodded noncommittally and stood up. “I think I’m gonna go back to the hotel.”

Viktor stood too. “I’ll go with you.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine on my own,” Yuuri replied a little too quickly. It was probably just his nerves.

“Alright,” Viktor conceded and sat back down, “But make sure you get a good night’s sleep.”

“I will,” Yuuri said, “Good night, everyone.”

They all said good night as Yuuri walked away. Despite the fact that his pupil retired early, Viktor still had a good time with Celestino and the other skaters. He ended up back at the hotel rather late.

He and Yuuri had rooms next to each other. Viktor was a bit surprised to see that Yuuri’s lights were still on despite the hour.

He knocked on the door. “Yuuri, did you leave your lights on?”

Footsteps moved to the door. The lock clicked open and Yuuri stood there in his pajamas. He looked tired.

“Viktor,” he said, “you’re still awake?”

“I’m not the one skating tomorrow,” Viktor replied, “Didn’t I say you should get some sleep?”

“Sorry. I was just having trouble falling asleep.”

“You shouldn’t worry so much,” Viktor said, “Is there something you need to fall asleep?”

Yuuri was quiet for a moment before saying, “No. I’ll be alright. Good night, Viktor.”

“Good night, Yuuri.”

Viktor fell asleep and didn’t wake up until his alarm forced him to at seven. Half an hour later, he was ready to meet up with Yuuri. He knocked on his pupil’s door but there was no response.

“Yuuri,” he said, “Did you sleep in?” There was still no answer. Viktor was starting to become nervous. He knocked again but Yuuri wasn’t responding.

He grabbed the doorknob and twisted it. The door creaked open. Something was definitely wrong.

“Yuuri,” Viktor said slowly. He got the unmistakable reply of dry heaving. Viktor sprinted to the bathroom, where the door was still open. “Yuuri.”

He was bent over the toilet, clutching at his stomach, kneeling on the floor. Yuuri whirled around in surprise. He was a mess. Drool spilled down his chin. He clearly hadn’t slept all night; he had dark circles under his eyes. His hair was a mess. Tear tracks ran down his face and his eyes were red. He was shaking uncontrollably.

“Viktor,” he replied in shock. He sounded so quiet.

“Yuuri, are you sick?” Viktor asked. He walked closer and looked into the toilet. It was pristine. Yuuri wasn’t throwing up.

“No, I’m not sick,” he replied, “I’ll be okay. Just give me a few minutes.” He flushed the toilet and wiped the drool off his chin as he stood up.

“Yuuri, you’re clearly not okay,” Viktor said, trying to put his hands on Yuuri’s shoulders but he flinched away. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Yuuri insisted.

“Yuuri, as your coach, I need to know everything about you. Is this nerves?”

“I’m having a panic attack, okay?!”

Viktor flinched back. He wasn’t prepared for Yuuri’s outburst and apparently, neither was Yuuri.

“I’m sorry,” he replied miserably.

"Is this why you didn't eat?"  Viktor asked.

"I wasn't having an attack then but I knew it was coming on."

“Did you sleep?”

“No.”

“Then you need to sleep.”

“I can’t,” Yuuri said, tears starting to form in his eyes, “I’m still panicking.”

“You need to calm down,” Viktor said quietly, "I know-”

“I _can’t_ ,” Yuuri replied, “I feel like I’m going to throw up, my stomach hurts and I’m having palpitations. I can’t stop shaking. I _can’t_ calm down and I _can’t_ sleep.”

“Let’s sit down,” Viktor suggested and Yuuri didn’t protest. They walked over to the bed and sat down. Viktor started to rub circles on Yuuri’s back.

“Please don’t touch me,” Yuuri said. Viktor moved his hand away immediately. “I never wanted you to see me like this.”

“Like what?”

“This weak. How am I supposed to skate if I can’t control my own anxiety? I hate having this.” The tears started to fall.

Viktor wanted to pull Yuuri into a hug but he knew he wouldn’t like that. “You’re not weak, Yuuri. Having a mental illness doesn’t make you weak.”

“I’m still ashamed.”

“You don’t need to be.” Yuuri didn’t reply to that. They sat in silence except for Yuuri’s hitching breaths.

“What do you need?” Viktor asked.

“Distract me,” Yuuri said, “Talk to me.”

“Okay.” Viktor didn’t have any problems talking. But he felt put on the spot. He searched his brain for something to talk about. “So, for today’s free program, you should probably expect that-”

“Not about skating,” Yuuri interrupted.

“Okay. Did I ever tell you about my first girlfriend? She-”

“Not that either,” Yuuri said.

Viktor paused to think of something new. “When I was young, I used to draw on the walls of my family’s apartment."

Yuuri nodded, approving of the topic.

“My grandparents said I should be an artist. My mother wanted to throw out every writing utensil she could find. I suppose they were both wrong about my future career choice.”

“Viktor.”

“Hm?” He looked at Yuuri’s face. He still looked like a mess but there was a small smile on his lips.

“Thank you.”

"Of course, Yuuri." He continued to talk about nothing of import. He talked about some of his cousins and the games they played in his childhood. He talked about his early education and the friends he made there, none of which he kept.

The more he talked, the calmer Yuuri seemed to become. His breathing evened out and his eyelids started drooping. He leaned up against Viktor. He'd stopped shaking. At some point, Viktor put his arm around him and started to play with his hair. Yuuri didn’t protest.

Viktor just kept talking. He didn't know how long he'd been talking when he noticed that Yuuri had fallen asleep. His head rested on Viktor's shoulder. He actually looked peaceful, despite the ordeal he'd just been through.

Viktor didn't stop talking. But he slowly and carefully laid Yuuri on the bed. He didn't stir.

Viktor stayed in the room, alternating between watching him sleep and looking up anxiety disorders on his phone.  They would eventually have to go to the competition but they still had time. He read how draining a panic attack could be and Yuuri needed to be in as good a shape as possible if he was going to win.

Viktor had no idea that Yuuri even had an anxiety disorder. He had debated calling Yuuri’s parents and asking about it but decided against it. He didn’t want to violate Yuuri’s privacy. He didn’t need to stress him out anymore. He thought maybe Celestino knew something but again, he didn’t want to ask and tell him if he didn’t. This was Yuuri’s secret and he was going to keep it if he wanted him to.

Yuuri started shifting. The noise drew Viktor's notice and he watched Yuuri’s eyes blink open.

“Yuuri?”

“Viktor.” He sat up in bed and looked at his coach.

“You should try to sleep more,” Viktor said, “It’s only been an hour.”

Yuuri shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll be able to. I’m just lucky to have some sleep.”

“How are you?”

“I’m tired but I’m not panicking. Thank you, Viktor.”

“I’m your coach. I’m supposed to help you.”

Yuuri looked at him with tired eyes. And he smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing in this fandom. I have a lot planned so expect me back soon.  
> Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed it.


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